The friendly, English-speaking extraterrestrial you run into outside your house is asking you to recommend the one book, movie, or song that explains what humans are all about. What do you pick?
“What is that noise? Sounds like someone has a cold coming on. Who are you?” and there he was, complete with three eyes and an arm ending in a large something that looked like a finger and thumb, he opened his mouth. I think it was a mouth, just a slit beneath the eyes.”
“I do not have a cold, but my beaming device was geared to living organisms and I have landed in the middle of these feather balls which definitely have a negative effect on my breathing system. First of all, I will introduce myself. I am Bog, citizen of planet Flum and have been assigned to inform my folk of the cultural atmosphere on the planet Earth.”
“Yesterday I received a dead ancestor as a surprise from WordPress and today an extra-terrestrial. WordPress have their fingers everywhere. First of all I do not like extra-terrestrials landing in my garden. You have large flat feet that have left footprints in my lawn, so perhaps you could move over to the porch.”
He looked at me with all three eyes and a scrutinizing stare. He then hopped onto the porch with all three feet.
“That is better, so how can I help you?”
“Please to advise a good book, film or song that would characterise the complete atmosphere of this planet Earth. On our planet Flum we can only receive the television programmes, and it is difficult to decide which is the most typical of planet Earth. Is it perhaps The Simpsons, Sponge Bob or even Star Trek that show scenes of life on Earth? My personal favourite is The Simpsons, but the children on our illustrious planet Flum prefer Star Trek and sometimes watch an interesting programme called “News”, but I warned my sweet little kiddies that this “News” programme was not really for unformed minds: too much action and strange men all having different opinions. Personally I prefer the Simpsons, more similar to a normal family life. “
“Yes well Bog, I would perhaps not recommend to believe everything on the television, especially “News”. I think a book might be better so that you can form your own opinion of the Earth Culture.”
“Who are you talking to Mrs. Angloswiss?” and Mr. Swiss appeared on the porch. “Now he is sweet, I am sure the felines would love to play with him, or is he a food supplement? They love variety.”
“He is a sort of ET type sent by WordPress to gather some worldly culture.”
“WordPress again. But yesterday they sent your dead grandfather. I think you should stop doing that daily prompt, it is becoming quite weird.”
“All our ET wants is a book recommendation, film or song to take back to his planet, a souvenir of earthly culture.”
“No problem, I would recommend “Milestones” by Miles Davis as a record. That is one of the best by the master.”
“But perhaps they are not into jazz on planet Flum. I am sure something more soothing like a Paolo Conte song selection would be more appropriate.”
“But that is Italian. No, give him a recording of Miles Davis.”
“Mrs. Earthwoman, Mr. Earthman, I am confused, could you perhaps just let me have a book.”
“I know, what about 50 shades of Grey. It is quite a hit on Earth and would give a good idea on planet Flum how things work here.” In the meanwhile Mr. Swiss was listening to some music on his iPod.
“No, definitely not Mrs. Earthwoman. We have read that book on our planet and it is very confusing. Life on planet Flum is more colourful and it is too complicated for us: too much him and her and not enough cultural atmosphere. And think of our children.”
I decided to go into a more religious direction. “What about our bible?”
“We have our own bible. A second bible would only complicate things. Actually there is a reason why I arrived in your garden, and not because of the allergy causing flower heads, and he sneezed again. No, word has spread on Flum that you are a writer, your daily blogs show us what life on earth is really about and we have seen that you have written a book which has been published. Unfortunately we have not been able to organise a copy on Flum and I was wondering, if you would have a copy for me.”
Of course I had a copy for our little Flumeronian. I had been wating for this chance to spread the word, to make my book a success throughout the world, and even throughout the Universe. I dug into the book shelves and found one copy. I removed the dust from its covers and wiped away the coffee stains. He clamped it between his finger and thumb. Did I see tears appear in his three eyes?
“Mrs. Earthwoman, may I ask for a dedication written on the first page of the book. “Wise words from the greatest Earth author” and perhaps your web site address from WordPress. You have a great community on planet Flum that follow your blogs daily. That was the main reason why my beamer was tuned into your garden as a landing platform and of course WordPress did promise a free makeover on our computer system. They said it would be a great new look with a grid and ……”
I had to interrupt him. I did not want to disillusion this sweet little ET who was one of my faithful followers. We hugged each other, he touched my finger with his and said “ET Going Home” or something like that. I seemed to hear music in the background and he was gone.