In your imaginary award acceptance speech (yes, we know you have one), who’s the very last — and most important — person you thank?
Imaginary? You mean this is not the real thing? I visited the hairdressers, had my grey highlights freshened for the occasion. Organised a nice bouquet of fresh roses to show how people treasure my regular written contributions to the blogging world, and this is imaginary? I went to financial burdens to show people how much I am appreciated, and it is not real?!
Now I am to make a speech, which is hypothetical in its meaning. OK, here we are so sit down, get read to clap and nod in appreciation and don’t touch the finger food. That is only for those that remain until the end.
Friends, fellow bloggers and brother and sisters in the WordPress sense of the word. I do not know you, will probably never get to know you, so unfortunately you will not be included in the last but not least. That is probably 90% of my supporters and fellow sufferers, so who is left?
I have three felines, THREE FELINES!
“Mrs. Human, don’t shout, we heard you the first time.”
“But Tabby, Nera, Fluffy, you all continued to sleep and ignored the beginning of my dynamic speech. Words that have a historical meaning: a speech not to be forgotten. “
“We are awake now, Mrs. Human, so continue. When do you get to the bit telling everyone that we are last but not least? (Did she say historical or hysterical)”
“Felines, I did not say that you will be included in the honour. Felines should be seen and not heard, you are my faithful supporters.”
“Hmmmmmm, snore, snore”
“Felines!!!” I give up they are sleeping again, but nevertheless there are still people in this world that appreciate my daily words of wisdom. For instance Mr Swiss, my faithful companion through thick and thin. Mr. Swiss, MR. SWISS – hello. What did you say Nera feline, he has gone for a walk and will be back in an hour. I am now sitting on my own, typing these words of hope, of recognition for my daily fight in the world of blog. It is a battle against jealousy, against those that have not yet appreciated my genius of invention, faithfully following the subject of the task assigned by the WordPress gurus, repetitive though they might be are, but nevertheless I do my best as most of us do. I ignore the obstacles put in my path such as the missing Pingbacks. What more can I say, deserted by my felines, by Mr. Swiss and my WordPress fellow bloggers who are no longer online according to the infamous grid system.
No, I correct myself. I just received a telephone call from a stranger, someone I do not know personally and he was interested in me. It was a masculine voice, so I was immediately ready to listen. He was full of enthusiasm and wanted to help me, to give me his support. Unfortunately we did not depart as friends, although he tried to put a brave face on the situation. He wanted to sell me a health insurance. I told him where to stick his health insurance (where the sun does not shine?) and he found I should listen until the end as I could only benefit from the situation. Basically I was polite but informed him that daily I receive similar calls and he should feed his computer with the information that family Angloswiss have no interest. He asked me if I suffer from high blood pressure and I told him normally not, but during the telephone conversation it might have climbed up somewhat. One thing is certain, he will be my last and least.
When I read through these intelligent and valuable words that I have fed into my computer, I realise that there is no other choice. There is only one person on this world, perhaps in the universe, that deserves the title of last, but not least who I would like to thank – ME. I bet that surprised you all.
Just to reassure you, all being well and not being accused of murder by telephone if another salesman calls, I will be back tomorrow with more news from the Swiss Land of banks and mountains (and health insurance).