20 | February | 2014 | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

Ah, sweet youth. No matter whether you grew up sporting a fedora, penny loafers, poodle skirts, bell-bottoms, leg-warmers, skinny jeans, Madonna-inspired net shirts and rosaries, goth garb, a spikey mohawk, or even a wave that would put the Bieber to shame, you made a fashion statement, unique to you. Describe your favorite fashions from days of yore or current trends you think are stylin’.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us FAD.

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Are they talking about the days when I could walk into a shop and choose which garment I wanted from the range they had which were all my size? Was it the days when there were short tight skirts. I could show my knees and slim legs and even a few of the other species would might whistle as I passed by. Yes, I think they are. Luckily I never felt myself inspired by Madonna and I still do not know who “Bieber” is.

The idea of a Goth garb appeals as I like pay a visit to the local graveyard, especially on a gloomy day. I can see myself walking between the rows of forever hunting grounds dressed in a white frilly blouse with a long wide (emphasis on wide) black coat and a necklace composed of ivory skulls. A pair of high black lace up boots would just put the finishing touch, with a few buckles. My ancestors would be proud, I am sure, especially the branch that originated in the Carpathian mountains, where was that place? I remember, somewhere near Bistritz in Transylvannia. Yes, those were the days.

Now I am restricted to visiting the department with the jeans look. They have them in so many sizes and widths, even elastic (they stretch). Yes, Levi Strauss, you are my hero. You saved my reputation. My bulges and non-existent waist line just melt into the material. Even if the jeans shrink in the wash, it is no problem. Just draw in your breath and try to make the two sides meet in the middle. If you are lucky you can do this without your face turning blue and not having to breathe out again in between. Making the button meet its hole is the first battle to be won, but the work is not done. The zip must meet all the way. You might be unlucky and an unforeseen injury could occur if some flaps of skin are pinched in the middle. Generally after thirty minutes you should be successful. The nice thing with denim is that it breathes with the body. As soon as you warm up after this effort the material gives and you are convinced you have not put on weight since the last wash.

If you tend to be gothic, denim is also available in black. They might not have been bought as “skinny jeans”, but they are eventually become skinny on any figure.

The top to wear with the jeans could prove a problematic search. Just go to Wikepedia on your computer and enter the words “wide tops to cover your belly” and you have the solution at your keyboard finger tips. You can even spare yourself the embarrassment of asking for this type of garment in a shop, where everyone can hear.

“Do you have any wide tops to cover my belly?”

The assistant will remain cool, she is used to all shapes and sizes. It just might be that the other customers burst into a hysterical fit of laughter and there might be some sideways glances in your direction and pointing fingers. So remember, order it all online.

What is the point of describing my favourite fashions of days gone by when I cannot even remember them? Fashion changes, the figure changes, and eventually you are just happy to find something that fits. Thank goodness you tend to forget as you get older.

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