19 | January | 2014 | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

You’ve been kidnapped and given a choice: would you rather be stranded on an island, dropped into an unknown forest, or locked in a strange building?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us CHOICE.

Schanz Tower in Solothurn

Now that is a matter of perspective. I could not imagine that anyone in their right mind would kidnap a golden oldie, with grey highlights in their hair (ok, more highlights than anything else) living on a Swiss state pension with a little bit of English state pension and sharing her life with three felines and Mr. Swiss.

Just for the sake of simplification, let us forget Mr. Swiss, he will be caring for the felines when I am away on my kidnapping experience. The next open question is where and that very strongly depends on the kidnapper. As kidnapping in real life only exists in connection with rich or royal persons, we can leave that side of the problem on one side. My idea of a kidnap happens in films.

The first option is an island. After careful consideration, I decided if I am going to spend a long time with a kidnapper, then he will be a male, and based on the hope that this happened when I was 20 years younger, I would say Brad Pitt would be a good choice, after all what has Angelina Jolie got that I have not. I am sure we would be made for each other. He looks quite good for 50, and if the stay will be another 20 years, then with luck he will still be fit with 70. I hope he can cook, clean the place and know how to iron. I really do not want to spend my valuable time on a desert island with God’s gift to women keeping the place clean.

The scene is now a jungle, full of wild life, animals that roar and King Kong similar figures that fall in love with blond haired ladies. Luckily I do not have blond hair and a grey haired golden oldie would certainly not be the love of an ape’s life (I hope). I took a quick look at the Tarzan actors over the years. The one that really stuck in my aging brain was Johnny Weissmuller, but no thank you. His shorts and loincloth were sex killing and living with someone that could only utter bloodcurdling cries as he swung on a liana through the trees and having a vocabulary of two words “Me Tarzan” would really get on my nerves after a while. I want something more from the Jungle and then my eyes rested on another male gift from heaven under the name of Christopher Lambert. I always had a soft spot for that guy, good looks and a tendency to European languages. Ok Christopher, pack your bags we are going on a journey to the jungle, you may kidnap me, but no swinging on branches or adopting apes. I am depending on your protective arm around me at all times and we will speak normal English, you can even try some of your French now and again, that would be quite flirtatious.

Locked in a strange building? There is only one person that would be useful in such circumstances and the only one who would have such a stupid idea. Imagine how boring that would be, in a building, between four walls with locked doors and probably bars on the windows. So Bruce Willis do your thing and apply some of your daredevil skills, using a machine gun to riddle the walls with gunshots, your ropes and wires for swinging across rooms and the suction pads for climbing walls and windows. Of course your Bill Gates act with the special electronic keys to open all doors would be necessary and the pocket computer built into your iPhone/Pad or whatever you stole from the CIA before you swung through my window and took me in your arms taking me to a new and interesting life. If this would happen I hope he has a razor with him to keep his hairless head in order.

And now let us return to ground level. Do I really want all these good guys with looks to kill and smelling of all sorts of romantic after shave odours with manicured finger nails dressed in t-shirts with the wet look, vests resembling something from an underwear catalogue and blue jeans as tight as possible where the kidnappers would have trouble opening the zip for a natural need? No thanks, I do not ask for a lot out of life, and am happy to be at home with my three felines and Mr. Swiss, my only problem being what to write for my next blog and what to cook for lunch next week. My kidnapping happens daily, voluntarily.

Daily Prompt: Captive’s Choice

Captive Pingbacks