Longing for Gravity | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

You are on a mission to Mars. Because of the length of of the journey, you will never be able to return to Earth. What about our blue planet will you miss the most?

Near Obere Sternengasse

To prove that we Swiss can do it, on 04.06.2014 the Swiss sent me on their first space mission to planet Mars, forgetting the return journey. Yes, the Swiss were at the beginnings of their space travel programme and we were pleased with the success of the journey. It was a one way ticket and a return trip was not planned. Since this time I am still living on Mars and have quite made myself at home, so who needs gravity and earth?

On the other hand this whole adventure was based on a misleading daily prompt and I must say, you can always rely on a daily prompt for a return journey, it is called repetition, so here I am planning my flight back to Earth. Of course I miss a lot, the crowded streets, the smell of the carbon monoxide from the cars on the roads, and of course a MacDonalds on every street corner. Being Swiss I am also missing the Winters where continuous snow falls and ice coats the streets as a invitation to a skid and slide, resulting in an accident by falling, or a crash with the car.

Of course we have gravity on earth, which is an advantage over Mars conditions. If I climb a mountain on Mars, or stand to take a few photos of my Martian friends and their nice sheep with their red furry coats, I might lose my balance, no problem. We have almost no gravity on Mars and so I just float and steer my way to the surface. You learn how to do it after being forgotten for almost two years by the Swiss and WordPress civilisation on Mars. I remember the accidents that occurred on Earth, resulting in hospital treatment, because you generally made an abrupt landing downwards due to gravity, no warning.

Now today I have heard that I can return. Due to progress made on earth a space ship has been designed, for the return journey. I am looking forward to seeing the Swiss mountains again, and eating cheese fondue, although I must say the red sheep produce a wonderful milk. You just have to shake the sheep and the milk arrives as creamy red cheese. Just pour it into a Martian volcano and you can dip pieces of Martian bread into it, very tasty and who cares if the bread is red as well. Yes, even the wheat growing on Mars is red. You can grind it into flour between two Martians, they do not mind and have quite leathery skin with spikes. Just ideal – who needs a mill. And of course the Mars mountains are out of this world, at least out of their world, they make the Swiss Alps look like dwarfs.

Now and again it rains on Mars, but the red clouds filter it nicely and it collects in puddles. It has a remarkable taste, similar to wine, so what more do you need for the cheese fondue.

But Earth is waiting for me. I heard some of the countries no longer exist due to a few disputes. Nothing has changed. Since the middle ages there have been disagreements, even earlier, and countries changed their borders. That is earth life as I knew it and I could read all about it in the news or watch the television to see who was building the biggest bomb and having fun trying it out on the others. Perhaps I even miss the governments, the excitement of the elections, each political party telling me they were the best and promising more wealth and improved life style.

Here on Mars there are no political parties, no wars, everyone gets on with everyone else and the sunsets are perfect. A red sky in the morning and a red sky in the evening, actually a red sky all day, but who cares. It is a natural a colour originating from the red sand and not from pollution.

You know what, when I think of it, I think I will stay. Mars is not so bad after all, no problems about what to cook, there is not great choice. Red sheep in 100 variations. They have short lives in any case and produce children ten at a time, so no need for killing them for food, they just give up. It is such a friendly happy planet. And the men? Ok, I know they have red hair and red skin, but who cares. They have other qualities, not wanting to go into details.

Yes, I think I will stay, I have everything I need on Mars.

Daily Prompt: Longing for Gravity – who needs gravity?

You are on a mission to Mars. Because of the length of of the journey, you will never be able to return to Earth. What about our blue planet will you miss the most?

In the wood, mushroom on tree trunk

“Hello, control Zürich, Swiss Mars mission mark one reporting from the red planet. We I had touchdown and everything fine.”

“Hello Swiss Mars mission mark one, yes we can hear you clear. Congratulations, a small step for mankind, but a big step for Switzerland. How are things up there?”

“Fine, I am feeling OK and no problems but it is a very boring planet. I took a walk this morning, but it was more a float and the vegetation leaves a lot to be desired. I do not think it was a good idea to use Mars as our next project for the numbered bank accounts. Everything is covered in red dust and the bank notes will probably be swamped in the stuff. I buried a few thousand dollars this morning, but cannot find where I buried them. I marked the place with a Swiss flag, but the Swiss flag sunk into the red earth and afterwards it was covered with a sort of strange fungus which seems to grow everywhere. No, Mars was a mistake, I will be glad to return. I already miss cervelat and rosti (Swiss sausage and fried potato – one of the Swiss national dishes). I know you processed it in the plastic bags to eat drink through a straw, but it is just not the same. The question is, when will I be returning, I cannot wait to get back.”

“Err, well that is a little problem Swiss Mars Mission mark one, we did a great job getting you up there but we have lost the plans for a return flight.”

“You did what?”

“Well we were so proud to have a Swiss citizen on planet Mars, even if you were originally English, but you have a Swiss passport. You will be granted a Swiss cross as a reward.”

“Zürich control, I want a return ticket, I cannot wear the Swiss cross here as I do not have it.”

“Of course you do, Swiss mission, we packed it in the bag under your seat, as a surprise and reward for your efforts. It has a magnetic plate attached and you can hang it on a metal part of your spacesuit for all to see.”

“Fantastic Zürich control, the problem being that there is no-one here to see it. Beam me back Zürich.”

“Just a minute, we are not playing Spaceship Enterprise, we are a Swiss spaceship, the very first and we do not do beaming. We just reverse the engines and you are on your way to Earth. The problem being…….”

“that you lost the plans for the return flight. Great Zürich, so I am to spend the rest of my days walking around on planet Mars wearing a Swiss Cross as a reward that no-one can see and drink cervelat and rösti through a tube as long as supplies last.”

“Do not worry Swiss Mars Mission One, the food supplies will last for at least a year, and until then we might will probably find the plans and will send a rescue craft. In the meanwhile think how your money will be gathering interest in our Swiss bank. Is there anything we can do for you whilst you are away?”

“Yes, find the plans and feed my felines.”

“Of course, just a moment, we have a postive development Swiss Mars Mission. The Russians and Americans have started a joint enterprise and will be flying past Mars with their rocket.”

“You mean I will be rescued.”

“Not exactly, but they will throw a parachute your way holding a container with 200 MacDonald hamburgers and 200 Chicken Nuggets as well as 100 tins of caviar, all liquidised for simple eating through a straw.

Hello Mars Mission Mark One, are you hearing us, we have lost you.”

And so the first Swiss arrival on Planet Mars was successful. The first Swiss to arrive on the planet is still there and still wears the Swiss Cross medal whilst saluting the Swiss flag he planted on the planet Mars. In the meanwhile the first friendly Martians arrived and they just love Rösti and Cervelat. The Swiss Astronaut also acquired a taste for the fungus growing on the planet, garnished with caviar, or mixed with liquid hamburger.

The Astronaut no longer misses Earth, the last we heard he married a Martian lady and has six Martian children (they always come in six packs) who love rosti.

Daily Prompt: Longing for Gravity, the First Swiss on Mars