It is a nice building, very old, but often modernised to cope with todays use. Is is the golden oldie home where Mr. Swiss now lives. I noticed that I was graually being overwhelmed by looking after Mr. Swiss, He is a few years older than I am and I never realised what could happen when you get older. The body no longer does what it should and the mind forgets, sometimes losing the connection with life and reality.
I do not know if this could be qualified as injustice, but it is not fair. The person by your side for many years, is no longer the same. Often he does not realise it and that makes matters worse. Disagreements occur, differences of opinon, It was realised that this was no way of life for me or my autistic son. Luck in my predicament was that a suitable senior home was just a few minutes away from where we lived. The process began. In the meanwhille I noticed the difference in my husband. He had lost his appetite and I had to get help with his daily routine. Eventually he fell at home, the ambulance took him to the hospital and they discovered that he actually had pneumonia. After his stay in the hospital, I had in the meanwhile organised his stay in the local senior home. It was accepted. This was almost four years ago.
He found it an injustice that he was no longer at home and still does, but I could visit him regularly. With the years I noticed how he was changing, no longer the man he was. Yes, it hurts, but he is in a good place now. I am still in our apartment with my No. 1 son, and No. 2 visits and helps all he can although he is in another part of Switzerland.
I still visit but no longer so much. I realised that he often does not realist that I was actually there. I could write more, but it does not really belong here. Yes, inustice has many faces.
RDP Sunday: Injustice
My Aunt Martha’s birthday was yesterday. She would have been 106. The last ten years of her life were similar to what you describe for Mr. Swiss. It was very very hard for her and everyone who loved her. My other aunts saw that I had air fare to Montana twice a year to be with my Aunt Martha. It’s a very hard thing when you must begin missing someone when their body is still their in front of you and even sadder to realize that at times they miss themselves. That’s not the same as losing one’s beloved husband in this way, but it still hurts and is very sad.
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It is difficult to break the habit of almost a life time, but I am getting there. Sometimes I have the feeling that the only importance for him is that he can smoke his next cigarette, although he does not smoke so much now. I arrive, we talk for a few mintues and then he wants to go outside for a cigarette and I should wait for him to smoke it. I have no longer the interest to sit with him and wait for him to finish. I go home and we say ciao. It bothers him that I go, but it seems only a few minutes and it is OK that I go.. I just do not understand the ageing process,
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I don’t understand it either, Pat. When I got up this morning my injury hurt. I remembered saying to my aunt and uncle who were in their 70s “i wish we were the same age” — My aunt said, “Oh honey, no you don’t.” Of course I meant that they were MY age (40). We just do the best we can at any age, but it’s got different challenges when we’re older. ❤️
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Liife has so many surprise that we did not expect.
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❤️
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Believe me when I say this is one reason I am glad I am a long time widow. I don’t have any surprises but my own ahead.
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and they are really surprises. I never imagined that life could develop in this way.
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It is so sad when this happens. Both for the person who, at least in the early stages, knows that they are not the same, and for the family who has to see it happen.
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Family is just me and my two sons actuially. I am mostly alone at home, and it is a process that I have had to go through.
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Ah Pat, I know it’s very hard and I think it’s wonderful that you focus on the positives and the facts. You are doing the best you can to look after yourself, which means looking after his regular visitor, however regular that can be. Continue to take care of yourself, Pat, because you’re right – he’s in good hands.
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I interest myself for other things to take my mind off the problems he causes. I have decided no longer to visit so much, there is no point. I do not think he really misses me that much, although when I arrive in his home he is pleased. Then he begins to think only of himself – I seem just to be an ornament soetimes.
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