It’s Halloween, and you just ran out of candy. If the neighborhood kids (or anyone else, really) were to truly scare you, what trick would they have to subject you to?
Halloween is here again and the trick and treaters are on their way: a fun time for everyone. Jake and his gang were determined to throw a few shocks into the unsuspecting halloween families. They approached a door.
“Look boys, that looks good. Someone decorating their doorbell with a horror name.”
“What does it say Jake?”
“Errr, ah yes, Vlad and Morticia Dracula. Let’s see if someone is at home.” and Jake pressed the bell which immediately played a tune, quite a modern one “Knocking at Heaven’s door”. There were footsteps and a man opened the door. He was tall, very tall and dressed in black. Jake thought a dentists delight, as he had two very long teeth in the top corners of his mouth. They even protruded over the bottom lip.
“Trick or Treat mister”
“Do what? I don’t do tricks or treats. It bores me.”
“Hey Joe, this guy says no treats, so it looks like we will have to do a trick.”
“Go away kids, my wife is preparing dinner and I have no time.”
“What do you think Joe. I am sure we have a trick right up the Mrs. street. What’s her name, Morticia? Sounds like something from a horror comic. Well listen Vlad, we have something special for Morticia and you.”
Vlad was becoming impatient. He was thinking of the special meal that Morticia was preparing. Halloween is only once a year and it was the dinner of the year. One of the few occasions when they could sit down to a nice glass of red wine, grand group rhesus negative, and enjoy the evening.
“Morticia, come here we have a couple of wise guys that want to give us a trick, because we have no treats.”
“No problem Vlad, on my way. Just have to wipe my hands, been busy in the kitchen.”
“Oh, come on Vlad, we have a lot of halloween victims to visit. Morticia doesn’t have to bother with wiping hands, we have a nice surprise for her and you as a real genuine halloween trick.”
“Ok, what’s the rush boys, I am here.”
And Jake produced his trick, in a small plastic coffin, just for the effect.
“Oh how sweet” said Morticia. Look Vlad a lovely tarantula and my he has more than hairs on his legs, it looks like real fur. But boys you should really be kind to such creatures, look how he is frightened.”
“You are right Morticia, poor little tarantula” and Vlad removed the spider from the plastic container and Morticia began to stroke it.
“Hey wait a minute you two horror comic figures, that is a real live tarantula with all the trimmings. It’s my dad’s prize tarantula, fed on one fresh mouse daily. Put it back in the box. I have to return it to dad, otherwise he will be sore.”
“You should be ashamed of yourselves. Young men stealing a tarantula and parading it in a plastic coffin. Look at him, he is shaking for fear. That is not the way to treat a tarantula.”
“So Morticia stop wasting time with those kids, and given them their tarantula. I want my food.”
“Here boys, take your sweet little spider, but be kind to it.”
“Put it in the box Mrs. Dracula, I don’t want to touch it, it’s dangerous.”
“Oh, you silly boy, stop shaking. You know what, as I don’t have any treats, you can all come in and have dinner with us. I just have to wipe the blood off my hands and knife.”
Morticia then produced her knife, with it long sharp blade and began to wipe it on her clean white apron, leaving red marks from the blood.
“Just a minute boys, where are you going. I was so looking forward to some company for dinner. And take your tarantula with you, but remember to feed him well this evening. He has had such a shock, I would recommend a dish of mouse liver, garnished with its eyes for an appetising effect. Hey Vlad they have all disappeared. So come and eat, I am now ready, didn’t have much to cook. You prefer it raw.”
And Vlad and Morticia sat down for their dish of the year, Vlad licking every drop from is plate. Yes, raw liver and a glass of fresh blood (from the local blood bank of course) was so ideal for a halloween meal.
“Vlad here is your halloween gift” and Morticia put a box on the table packed in nice black gift paper, tied with a red ribbon.
“Oh, Morticia how considerate. Look a pair of slippers decorated with bats. Just what I wanted. They will look so smart with my black dressing cloak. I did not forget you Morticia, your present is in the cellar. I decided it was time for a nice new coffin. It is slightly wider than the one you have, we are no longer as slim as we were, but I love you all the same.”
Yes, it was a perfect halloween despite the silly visitors, who did not really understand the meaning of halloween.
Jake arrived home. He was quite out of breath, as he ran all the way.
“Well Jake, did you get a lot of treats.”
“Err No dad, we decided to leave it for this year.”
“Where’s Priscilla?” (that was the tarantula).
“Oh she is OK, one of the nice ladies we met gave us a cage for her. She said it was being unkind to spiders to put them in a small plastic coffin.”
“Must be nice people with understanding for spiders.”
“Yes dad, very nice people. Oh, mum I don’t want anything to eat, somehow i have lost my appetite, think I will go to bed.”
Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss 