Tag Archives: cats

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Anticipation

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Tabby

“Tabby, I want to draw the curtains.”

“And, what is the problem Mrs. Human?”

“You are sitting in front of the window.”

“Of course, now is the most intersting time of the day, when things begin to move.”

“I cannot see anything moving Tabby, it is too dark.”

“That is your problem.One of the many human imperfections not being able to see at night. I can see pefectly well, it is the best time of the awake phase. Look, see it, now it has disappeared under a leaf soldier. Perhaps it will return.”

“What has disappeared?”

“It lives in the garden of course. Have you never seen them.”

“Them, there are more than one, are they dangerous.”

“Not as dangerous as the leaf soldiers, but I captured most of the leaf soldiers and put them out of action. They are no longer falling and their colours are changing. They are even dehydrating. Look it has reappeared and found food. One of the others. They must be very tasty.”

“I don’t get you Tabby. I can see nothing moving in the garden, everything is still. Who are the others.”

“Do not ask, it is better if you do not know. As I said Mrs. Human, with only 5 senses it is obvious that your sense of perception is less than mine.”

“Your have more?”

“Of course. We have the basic 5 that you have, but we also have sub senses. We can see, but we have a few more dimensions. Only the primitive animals have 3.”

“You have a fourth dimension.”

“And a fifth and sixth. You have to enter the many depths to appreciate what you see. That is why I do not like the hard vitamin pellets.”

“They have no depth”

“And no taste, here depth does not enter the question. But I must now concentrate. Stop pulling the curtain Mrs. Human. As a compr0mise you can lower the blinds, but only to my ear level. I have to be able to receive audible mechanical waves of pressure and displacement. Look it’s moving again and humming to itself.”

“Tabby I can hear nothing.”

“Yes another impurity of the human kind.  So now you can close the blind and curtain. They are now moving on to other realms, beyond even the borders of the feline world. ”

“Yes, but who are they.”

“Do not ask Mrs. Human, you would not understand. I just heard a noise, I think one of them has fallen over the ledge to the cavity of no return. I will now anticipate there visit tomoroow. ”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Anticipation

Something is moving in the garden

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Tabby

Actually Tabby, the feline that owns me, is now moving in on my own private Angloswiss space, she has her own page at Cat Chronicles, where she writes her own contribution daily, with a little help from me, her human slave.

Every evening after the human evening meal where she waits for a few extras from our plates, she sits in front of this window which is in front of my desk where I write my prize winning suspicious blogs. I go to my desk and she is already there, just staring out of the window. I usually raise the blinds during the afternoon, but keep the window closed. If I opened the window to let her out she refuses to go and remains just sitting. Slowly the evening approaches and light begins to fail. I now only have the light from my computer screen.

I do not dare to make light in the room or close the blinds as I know it would be a feline catastrophe, a destruction of her concentration.

What does she see that I do not see? There is no visible movement in the garden outside the window, it is too cold for buzzing insects. There must be something there to attract her attention and concentration. Perhaps it is a gathering of the ghosts of felines passed. Perhaps her litter sister Nera and apprentice Fluffy float by from the eternal corn chambers in the Kingdom of Bastet to say hello, how are things in the nine lives? I don’t know and probably never will, but Tabby is there every evening, same time, same place.

Colour Your World: Carnation Pink

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If you were born without fur, your would also be pink. It is all in the name of my breed. I am a sphynx feline. Your should have seen my baby pictures. Lovely long pointed ears and of course no fur. Fur is not necessary. I often used to take a walk in Mrs. Angloswiss garden, as the human I owned was her neighbour. Mr. Angloswiss was constantly taking photos, as it she had never seen a naked feline. Actually I do have fur, but so fine, you hardly see it. I am also a very clean feline. I have a bath once a week, although my human says it is because I would smell otherwise. Me smell? Never, but humans have funny ideas sometimes.

Colour Your World: Carnation Pink

Colour your World – Bitter sweet

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Nera drinking water from the toilet

Nera my feline, who left us for the etnernal corn chambers just over a year ago, was a water connoisseur. She knew where the sweetest water was in the apartment. Unfortunately she did not really understand the purpose of this water. If she had known the real reason behind the toilet I do not think it would have made a big difference, water is water. If you lead a feline to the water it will drink, if it is fresh enough and the bitterness of the choice makes no difference.

Colour your World – bitter sweet

Daily Prompt: Menagerie – I live in one

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Do you have animals in your life? If yes, what do they mean to you? If no, why have you opted not to? 

I find that a silly question, it insults my intelliegence.

Cat at the Migros supermarket entrance

I have animals everywhere, even when I go shopping. See our supermarket feline watching as the people arrive to shop. They had an exhibit outside showing how you can have a nice cozy b-b-que in the garden with all the trimmings, but the feline moved in and took over. This felines have now become so well-known that a national free newspaper known as “20 Minutes”. have featured them. Apparently there are 2 of the species, both being of the Ginger race. Here is a link to the article The Supermarket Cats, in our local language, German, which I have partially translated. I myself have many photos of the two felines and it seems they have names, Max and Hugo.

It seems that even the police have been called in as there are days when they feel so comfortable in the various departments, especially the bed and bathroom areas, that they do not go home and remain unnoticed.The supermarket has an alarm when it is closed and the felines tend to take a walk when they are left to themselves which gives a signal at the local police station and so the police have to investigate.

However  they are shop trained cats, do not smell and visit the outside parks for their recycling process. They also realise that they are not welcome in the food department. They live in one of the neighbouring houses and Mr. Swiss and I have often watched them on their way home. They walk across the large car park, wait until the entry road is free and cross to jump over the fence into the garden of one of the houses. Their favourite place in the supermarket definitely seems to be the restaurant where they make themselves comfortable on a seat and wait for a few edible rewards.

Otherwise I am allowed to live with two felines, Tabby and Fluffy. There was a third, Nera, but she left us last year for another dimension. My felines have their own site in WordPress where they daily report the happenings in their lives and in the casa Angloswiss The Cat Chronicles.

I don’t want to earn bonus points for adorable animal photos or double bonus if taken with my phone. I have a perfectly good DSLR Nikon camera and a Canon camera so rarely use my phone. I am actually surrounded by animals. My main animal in my collection is Mr. Swiss without who I would be lost. Our neighbours have cats. I once counted 10 cats in the area where I live. There are only a few dogs which generally stay at home unless they go for walks with their masters. We have a path crossing our area which is the dog walkie path, but only if they are on the lead. We have enough forests and country to let them loose.

A five minute walk brings us to a stable where there are approximately 8 horses at the moment and cows outnumber the population. We have a murder of crows (I know, but that is the collective name for crows it seems) that like to go on collective flights waking up the neighbourhood. We have many hedgehogs. When No. 2 son lived at home, in the far gone days, Friday and Saturday nights were the night out and he would return home in the early morning hours. He told us that there was an array of hedgehogs (another collective name I did not know) around our home. Lately Mr. Swiss has reported the sighting of the regular visit of a hedgehog on our patio. It seems that Tabby our chief feline, sits on a chair on the porch and watches the movements from a distance. There has been no fraternisation up to now. I think hedgehogs are not a feline thing. I am naturally waiting for the chance to take a prize winning photo, but I am not as nocturnal as hedgehogs.

And so as the golden sun sinks slowly in the West, I come to the close of a repeat prompt, but being me I am never lost for words. See you all on the flip side tomorrow.

Daily Prompt: Menagerie – I live in one

Daily Prompt: I’d like to thank my cats 2

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You are receiving an award –- either one that already exists, or a new one created just for you. What would the award be, why are you being honored, and what would you say in your acceptance speech?

chicken

“Felines, what is that sitting on the table? It looks like a golden chicken.”

“It is a golden chicken Mrs. Human, a reward for your services as official slave to my esteemed self, Tabby my litter sister and assistant, and Fluffy, our honourable apprentice. Not every feline slave is awarded such an honour by the court of Bast, and you should now show your gratitude by preparing a speech to be delivered to the local feline population. They are awaiting you wise words outside in our territory.” And so spoke Nera the chief feline.

I took a peek through the window and was astonished to see the complete feline population of the village sitting outside.

“But Nera, I am totally unprepared.”

“No Problem Mrs. Human, I though you would be, so I wrote it myself, you can just read it.”

I began

“It is with pleasure that I receive the award of the golden chicken for my constant labour to ensure that the three felines that own me are satisfied and happy. I had a long road to take to achieve this balance of give and take, but it seems that I have achieved the perfect result with giving and my felines find that taking for them has been a reward worth waiting for.

It is not an easy task to become a perfect slave, fulfilling the wishes and giving my best for the felines that adopted me. All beginnings are difficult, but thanks to the guiding paw of Nera, my chief disciplinarian and slave master, I have achieved perfection in my task and today receive my reward, the Golden Chicken.”

Here I had to pause whilst the felines clapped with their paws and meowed in approval. I then continued.

“I would not be standing here today, were it not for the support and encouragement of Nera, my slave driver and her team. Thanks to their guidance I soon learned that just serving one helping of tuna fish per week does not qualify to become a true feline slave. It is to be served at least three times during the week. Vitamine pellets are no substitute for tuna fish, but are to be regarded as an addition to the feline diet.

The feline tray is to be emptied regularly and no traces of the recycling process are to be left. Feline fur should be brushed immediately from the surfaces of their cushions. Their places of relaxation are to be revered and treated as blessed, a quiet place for meditation and restful sleep. Their territory is to be regarded as a sacred place, where no other felines are to tread and it is my duty to ensure that this rule is obeyed.”

The last sentence was greeted with a few hisses amongst some of the feline spectators, but Nera put them to order with protruding claws and threatening gestures.

“And now it seems, after receiving this token of recognition for my eternal duties to my three felines, the prize will now be cooked and served to all felines present at this presentation. May Bast be with you all.”

I found it strange that an award I had received will now be taken from me and served to the feline audience. Whilst they were tearing pieces of flesh from the bones of the chicken I had a few words with Nera.

“Nera I do not get this. I read the speech you prepared. I cannot say I was entirely in agreement with the words, but now all the felines in the neighbourhood are eating my prize.”

“Mrs. Human, we are felines, you are our slave. Since when do slaves get the breast of the chicken. There might be a wing or some of the parson’s nose left for you, if my feline colleagues agree.”

Today I learnt something: never trust a feline when they want to give you something. There is always a drawback somewhere.

Daily Prompt: I’d like to thank my cats 2

The Cat Sat on the Mat

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I was in the basement of the local supermarket with Mr. Swiss. We were looking at some new cushions for our outside furniture as the others had suffered due to the outside weather conditions. We always buy new ones every year. Unfortunately due to a misunderstanding and golden oldie forgetfulness we forgot to measure at home before choosing new ones. I remained in the basement at Mr. Swiss transferred to upstairs where they were settling the exact chairs we had. He sent a distraught assistant to the basement to fetch a measure so that she could measure the chairs they had to ensure we bought the right size and I was left to my own distractions. And then I saw the cat, so I removed my camera from my bag and began to shoot whilst waiting, this was a must.

The cat sat on the mat was the first sentence I learned in my first reading book at school. Just a stupid start to a life of reading. However, this cat decided to take it literally.

The cat sat on the mat in the supermarket

Can you see the cat amidst the surroundings of the advertised bathroom equipment. Cats are not stupid, if they are tired they sleep and do not wait until they go home. There are so many opportunities for a place to circle into a land of dreams and what could be better that a comfortable bathroom mat with its soft poster in a supermarket. To explain, this ginger example of the feline race lives somewhere near the supermarket, there are actually two and if you are lucky you find them both. You never actually know which feline you are photographing as they are lookalikes, but I suspect that while this one was sleeping in the bathroom the other was probably making himself comfortable on a chair in the restaurant.

So let’s have a closer look.

The cat sat on the mat in the supermarket

I was wondering if the price of 19.90 swiss francs was for the feline or the mat. In the meanwhile three other shoppers took photos with their smart phones as they were walking past, another gave him a tickle between the ears which the feline did not actually enjoy. This cat wanted to sleep and not be a victim of human endearments.

Mr. Swiss eventually arrived and could not find me as I had met a lady I knew and was carried away in my conversation about the cat and other female things. He called me on his iPhone and I answered and what a surprise, he was only around the corner looking at the cushions for the garden seats. Unfortunately we had a little misunderstanding about the exact size, so as the problem was not so urgent, we decided to measure the ones we already had and wait until the next shopping safari on Friday. We need five cushions and there only had three in the supermarket, so what’s the rush. We then departed and the cat slept on as if nothing had happened. The feline now had an audience of at least five shoppers.

The Blacklight Candelabra – Deliberate Misquotation

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It is difficult to obtain the friendship of a cat. It is a philosophical animal… one that does not place its affections thoughtlessly.
Theophile Gautier

Nera posing for a pin-up photo

A cat will be your friend if there is something in it for him. Dangle a piece of ham in front of its nose, give it some liver, perhaps a piece of chicken. He will love you for it, but only during the time he is eating it. Afterwards he washes, sleeps for a few hours and when he awakes he reverts to his autistic existence. There is no longer meat so why should the cat be a friend. When the meat has been eaten it disappears, no longer exists.

Is that philosophical? No that is being selfish, taking what he wants and when he has what he wants, he no longer has a further need for it, so the cat sleeps. You as the donator of the tasty food interval already are non-existent. And then in his non-philosophical way the cat has a wash, licking every part of the body that came into contact with the disappearing food.

Affections are only for a reward. The cat wants something from you. Speaking as a mere human they have commanded my life for the past 13 years and they are not my pets, my friends, my true servants. No, they are here for what they can get out of it. I lay on the bed and five minutes later the cat lays next to me, neading motions with its paws in the soft quilt and dreaming kitten dreams. Am I the lost mother, am I the object of its attention? Only because I am there and relaxing and perhaps presenting no threat, not because the cat has decided that the human is its faithful and trusty companion. I decide to give a tummy tickle whilst the cat is relaxing. No problem, she lays on the side and lets me do everything with accompanying purrs, but do not be mislead. What is a purr, the cat will not let you in on the secret. The purr can turn to a hiss in a split second.

Two hours later the cat is sitting at my feet and I again give a tummy tickle, but the feline does not want a tummy tickle. I take my hand away and see a long scratch as a reaction from the cat that did not want any sign of endearment. That is not philosophy and the meow words of affection, love, friendship do not exist in the meow vocabulary of an autistic minded cat.

The Blacklight Candelabra: Deliberate Misquotation

When a Tabby cat meets a Sphinx

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Tabby and the sphinx

“Tabby, stop howling and hissing, it is a cat the same as you are.”

“Mrs. Human, that is not a cat. I am experiencing close encounters of the third kind. That is not feline. It is something extra-terrestrial. Mrs. Human we are being invaded.”

“Tabby, first of all it is a sphinx cat and it is born that way.”

“No self-respecting feline is born that way. It is a curse placed by one of those cats they used to burn at the stake. It is bewitched, and is a threat to our existence. Terminate, terminate.”

“Tabby you are not a dalek and it will not be terminated. It lives in the apartment opposite and now and again takes a walk, the same as you: you know the feline instinct about marking territory and the Sphinx is new in the neighbourhood and is just finding its way around.”

“I don’t believe it Mrs. Humane. Has your brain already been infiltrated by this strange creature. Has it already brainwashed you into believing it is one of us? Never, that is not normal. It has folds in its skin and big naked pointed ears and it smells.”

“All cats smell Tabby, and each has its own scent. The sphinx race just happens to have no fur to absorb the scent, that is why they are bathed once a week, too keep them smell free.”

“Is that one of those strange human jokes that we felines do not get the hang of? Cats do not take baths, we have a good lick, although to be quite honest if I had a fur shortage I would also not be keen on licking what was undernearth.”

“Tabby you know that not every cat looks like another. They have different colours, different length of fur …..”

“..and different smells. Most of the smells are just, well, feline. But this naked example is not feline, it is different, it is not one of us. It must be separated, terminated.”

“Tabby do not be such a racist.”

“Me, racist, never. The proof is that I allow humans to live with me. If I was racist, I would not allow you to feed me and empty my litter box. Yuck, just imagine emptying a litter box for a naked cat. I bet his recycling process is different to mine.”

“Hold on, Tabby. Be kind to those that are different. I am sure the little sphinx feline just wants to be your friend. It is so lonely not knowing any other cats.”

“No, no way. I also do not know any other cats except for Fluffy and Fluffy is not my friend. I just put up with him as he happens to eat from the same dish as me and use the same litter tray. Otherwise we do not walk paw in paw and look at the moon in the evening together. Imagine touching a naked cat, no Mrs. Human. Just ensure that he stays on his side of the fence and I will have a quiet growl from my side of the fence.”

There you have it, sometimes I think felines are not so different from humans. I will keep you posted if the situation changes. Perhaps one day they will walk together and eat from the same dish, but perhaps not.

“Forget it” and Tabby has the last word.

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Daily Prompt: 10,000 Spoons – Ironic that I have never heard of this song

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…When all you need is a knife might not be ironic, but it is unfortunate. Add your own verse, stanza, or story of badly-timed annoyance to Alanis Morissette’s classic:

Tabby eating

I have no idea of classics by Alanis Morissette. I only know that she is a singer but definitely not my sort of thing. I have never heard of an ironic song about 10,000 spoons. Ironic is that I am supposed to write a daily prompt about this song and even add my own verse or story. The only help I have is a link to a Wikipedia site, not even the lyrics: I had to find them myself. Of course, I could have searched for a YouTube video, but it is common knowledge that Mrs. Angloswiss avoids YouTube videos on her blog when possible. I am even allergic to blog sites with music in the background. I know, I am a miserable cow sometimes, but I do have my good side (I think). A badly-timed annoyance is that the t-shirted WordPress robots invent a prompt that is absolutely not in the line with an Angloswiss prize suspicious unique blog.

“Mrs. Human, stay cool.” My feline Tabby is shaking her head. “What is the fuss about? We felines live in ironic circumstances daily. We were once worshipped as Gods, and today we have to wait until our dish is filled by a subordinate human. Ironic is the fact that we have paws and not hands with fingers. Then the humans would be superfluous. If we had 10,000 spoons it would not help.”

“OK Tabby, point taken, but you are a well fed feline. Sometimes I have a feeling that you are a little too well fed. A bowl of delicious vitamin packed pellets always full and at your disposal when you are hungry. Some felines only have their food served twice a day.”

“Oh yummy Mrs. Human. I love dry brown pieces of unidentifiable food to munch: a real high point of the day.”

“Now don’t get ironic with me Tabby, otherwise your tuna fish ration is in danger.”

“Who is being ironic now Mrs. Human. Where is the tuna fish, I see no tuna fish.”

“It is in the cupboard and I will take out a tin for you this evening, if you are a good feline.”

“Here we go again. Felines are not good or bad, we don’t do adjectives. We exist, therefore we are in the words of the great philosopher Descartes Desi Cats “je pense, donc je suis”, he miawed in French. As far as I am concerned you can put the tins next to my dish. Don’t worry Mrs. Human, I will not eat the tuna fish before you open the tin and serve it.”

“I hope not. Too much tuna fish is not good for you.”

“Who says that? Of course it is good for me, but an ironical problem is involved.”

“And that would be?”

“Imagine you are walking in the desert. You are thirsty and have a bottle of mineral water in your rucksack. The sun is beating down, you are perspiring. What do you do?”

“No problem, Tabby, I open the rucksack and drink the mineral water.”

“I havn’t finished. You have forgotten the bottle opener. It is a glass bottle.”

“I can knock the bottle on a hard object to break it and then I am saved.”

“There are no hard objects in a desert, just sand.”

“OK, you have got me, an ironic situation.”

“So to continue Mrs. Human: I have ten tins of tuna fish and no tin opener.”

“I will give you a tin opener.”

“Typical stupid human: and how am I going to open the tin? Tin openers are not constructed for paws. That is an ironic situation, surrounded by tuna fish and no possibility to eat it. So I am left to my frugal ration of vitamin packed pellets, big deal.”

Tabby has now proved her point. Felines are always one step ahead. Who needs 10,000 spoons, a tin of tuna fish and a tin opener when you have no way of holiding a tin opener to open the tin and cats do not use spoons. What a stupid, pointless, dead ended prompt this is.

“Come Tabby, I will open a tin of tuna fish for you; forget the expensive vitamin packed pellet food. Let’s have a party and I will make a tuna fish salad for myself. Let us share the irony of this ironic prompt.”

“At last a good idea from a human brain, a rare occurrence, almost ironic” was Tabby’s last thought on the matter.

Daily Prompt: 10,000 Spoons – Ironic that I have never heard of this song