FOWC with Fandango: Cast

Unfortunately the days have gone when you had a plaster cast after breaking a limb, but even today there are advantages. I wrote this piece 10 years ago after breaking my arm on a visit to London. I was in hospital for a few days and managed to catch my return flight back to Switzerland, even with a broken arm.

The x-ray photos are from the second time I broke my arm, as the british hospital did not give me any x-rays of my first breakage. The first breakage was “only” fixed with metal pieces which have been removed in the meantime, the second breakage had eight screws.

mended arm

So now you have your first broken arm. Using this practical broken arm instruction booklet, I am sure you will find that you can even have fun with it.

You have now arrived home from the hospital and are back to normal every day life. Do not forget, in hospital you were the Queen – your wishes were cared for. To have your needs attended to at home, a certain plan must be executed. You have to ensure that you remain the centre of attention. Please read the instructions carefully and you will have no problems.

1. Do not put too much pressure on the arm when it has been freshly repaired. It could lead to further complications. Remember to complain that you cannot do what you usually do. You will find this has untold advantages. No more ironing, cleaning windows, carrying heavy baskets full of washing and above all you get tons of sympathy. Someone will help so enjoy it while you can.

2. With time you will find that movement will gradually return to the arm, you will be sent to a physiotherapist. He will tell you the exercises to do with the arm to bring back into movement. It might be that you partner is rather shocked when he sees you with an arm hanging loosely whilst rotating it on its own axis; just a normal exercise. Astonishment will probably arise when you raise both arms in the air above your head for no apparent reason. Your partner might think you have joined perhaps a druid club worshipping the sun. We know why we do it and your partner is probably in the unfortunate position that he has never broken an arm.

3. Don’t worry about the long designer scar you have left from the treatment. Scars are always a source of interest at any gathering. Look forward to your first party and wear a sleeveless dress. You will be the centre of attention. Questions such as “What happened?” or remarks “That looks terrible, I am sure you went through a lot of pain” are always a reason for feeling important.

4. A disadvantage with modern treatment is that plaster is no longer applied. Everything being tied together with wire and steel plates, it has just lost its use. Gone are the days when you could collect signatures on the plaster cast,  but it has advantages. If you broke your arm in summer, then you can maintain an even sun tan. With plaster you were condemned to having a white arm throughout the year.

5. You are forced to sleep on your back, but do not worry. It is time for revenge on your partner who may keep you from sleep with his nocturnal noises. Now you will begin to snore, have weird dreams and keep everyone from sleep. Do not worry about not getting enough sleep, if you do things according to this manual, you will be sleeping during the day whilst the others are doing your work.

6. Cooking: this deserves a paragraph to itself. You are unable to use one of your arms, this is a great disadvantage, but can also be an advantage. You are no longer able to cook your favourite foods to your own taste, but you are in charge. You will be giving the orders. Think back to the days when you cooked a meal and there was perhaps not enough salt in the potatoes, the meat was tough or the vegetable was not cooked to perfection. You have the chance to take revenge. Complain when you can. Towards the end of the resting time, start praising. Say how wonderful he can cook and with luck, his ego will be so satisfied that in future he will enjoy taking over some of the kitchen chores.

7. Avoid leaving the house on your own. This should not be difficult. Through your accident, you will find that you will probably not be allowed out on your own “in case something happens”. No longer shopping excursions to hunt for food on your own, they will be shared with someone. You cannot drive a car (another advantage – you now have a chauffeur) so enjoy it. Whilst someone else is hunting for provisions, take your time, show the shop assistant and colleagues your scar and have fun telling them what happened. You have someone that is running around in the shop for you, hunting for food.

8. All good things come to an end. One day after half a year probably, you will find that your arm is now operating again with satisfaction. You can carry heavy loads, enjoy your housewife hobbies and perhaps even work over the garden. Our advice is, do not overdo it. Take your time with the recovery and perhaps, who knows, there might be things that never recover. To sum things up, make the most of it. You are someone, you have something that no-one else has, enjoy it.

If you have found this small booklet has been helpful with your problem. Then do not hesitate to contact us. A new release will be available in a short time “Broken Arm for the Man”. We have a full selection: broken legs, dislocated knees, sprained ankles. Recommend us to your friends.

FOWC with Fandango: Cast