Mr. Xi Jinping
People’s Republic of China
Dear Mr. Jinping
I am writing to you with a small complaint, although it could have become a big complaint. It is a quiet Sunday afternoon in our part of the world. We are celebrating one of our holidays, something like “Return of Mao Tse Tung” Day if it would exist. We have a custom of giving each other chocolate eggs. Eggs play an important part in our ritual, we even have little competitions in our marvellous country of Switzerland to see who has the strongest eggs, nothing dangerous after all they are only eggs. Self made nests full of chocolate eggs and chocolate rabbits embedded in straw are hidden in the garden for the children to find..
Suddenly my children came running to me from the garden with tears is their eyes. They had found their nests but the chocolate rabbits and chocolate eggs had been crushed to many pieces by falling metal parts from the sky. I phoned the Swiss airforce, but they assured me that today, on our Easter Sunday, they were not having a practice with their new missiles, it is a day of peace. I was also assured that the Swiss nation was not under attack from another nation.
After consulting my computer, I was informed that today was the day when Tiangong 1 a Chinese satellite that had lost its way, would be re-entering the earth’s atmosphere and might break into various parts. I accompanied my children to their injured chocolate bunnies and eggs to examine the damage, and discovered metal parts as the cause of the damage. As these parts were inscribed with Chinese signs, translated as “Made in The People’s Republic of China” I can only deduce that your satellite’s uncontrolled entrance to the Swiss atmosphere is the cause. In the meanwhile I contacted the Swiss Government and it seems that children all over Switzerland are finding squashed chocolate Easter Bunnies in their gardens-
This is a catastrophe. How can we convinced our children that the Easter Bunny exists. They are now all convinced that the bunnies are under attack from the Chinese Nation. Before this problem escalates to the Swiss-Chinese Bunny war, I am sure that it was not your intention to destroy our populations of chocolate easter bunnies, and would ask you to send a replacement shipment of chocolate bunnies to our great nation to compensate for this loss. The Swiss government will raise this problem in the next meeting of the United Nations.
Thanking you for your understanding in this matter
A citizen of Switzerland.
P.S. There is also the problem of a broken fence in my garden, crushed by part of a satellite propeller, also inscribed with chinese characters, so do not try to talk your way out of it.