Daily Prompt: Provoke

Hands

Nothing special, just my right hand, although if you look carefully you can see the top of my grey haired head in the background. These are no longer the agile fingers that tickles the ivories on the piano and they are no longer as straight and strong as they used to be. The little finger is still more or less straight, but the one next to it? It seems to be provoking the other finger as if to say just look at me. I can bend all on my own, and yes it can, but mostly in the wrong direction. This is the hand of a 71 year old woman.

If only I had realised what getting older means. Today I had to order a three month supply of my MS medicine. I have a special fridge in the cellar where I keep it. At the moment Mr. Swiss and No. 1 son deal with cellar work, as I am not so active with my broken leg and so they fetch three little boxes now an again to stock the fridge in the apartment. They keep a record for me of how much medicine is kept in the stock. Today I phoned the lady that looks after my supply to place an order for 3 months supply before the easter holidy. She always asks how I am and I told her about my accident and my week in hospital. I also told her about the two fingers on the right of my hand and that they no longer feel what they should and have a definite pins and needle symptom.

I said I think it is an MS relapse and she said most likely as it is typical of what can happen. I never reckoned with this in old age. I thought I would just slow down and look like a grandmother from a Hans Christian Andersen story and not one of those old ladies with brown spots on the hand, walking with a stick or walker in the supermarket.

They are provoking thoughts when I look at my hands today.

Daily Prompt: Provoke

12 thoughts on “Daily Prompt: Provoke

  1. MS is a real drag, but at least you got to be pretty far along in life before it hit you. I know that’s cold comfort. In my expert medical opinion (ha ha) the fall and broken leg probably contributed to your MS flare up. Stress (and a broken leg and the fear that goes with falling create severe stress) can definitely cause a flare. I hope so much that as your leg heals, your nervous system calms down.

    As I wrote my story today, which is not really fiction, I pictured my grandmother puttering in her garden “of a morning” (as she would say). She was lopsided and walked kind of like I’ve been walking. That was probably 1958 and she was then only a little older than I am now. She had a very hard time controlling her blood pressure. Everyone was always afraid she would fall. She was an old lady and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Here I am living in a different world where someone’s going to “fix” me so I can walk and maybe run. I have blood pressure medicine that works AND I know (which they didn’t know back in the late 50s) that exercise is very, very helpful in controlling blood pressure. Mine is 117 over 78 and everyone is happy. Anyway, as I pictured my grandma, I felt very lucky to be 66 now and not in 1958.

    And you too. There was nothing in my Dad’s time to alleviate the symptoms of MS except cortisone shots that became less and less effective over time. And, even at their best, they weren’t very effective.

    The exercises I’ve learned in physical therapy aren’t difficult, but the day after, I feel them as pain, but I have to do them again. Compensating for my messed up hip for years has shortened my leg, shortened the muscles and made me stooped (and stupid?) when I walk. I can’t straight my back or raise my arms over my head. I’m amazed at the chain of disability one problem has created.

    We’re miserable, but lucky at the same time, I guess. ❤

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    • I thought that my problems in my hand would hang together with my MS, but thanks for the explanation. A lot more is clearer. After the accident and all the stress, I just got a relapse as a side dish.
      My maternal grandmother, who died when I was 4 months old, always had an “iron” on her leg as they used to do it in the olden days, something like Forest Gump, but she managed to raise four children. My oldest cousin remembers her and that she walked with a limp.
      I get physical therapy a couple of times a week. She visits me at home an massages my leg. I also get exercises, which I can do at home during my normal day. Although I have began to walk more independently, not every day is the same. I always have my walker at hand, but now and again risk using just my cane.
      Having problems with walking is a drag. There is always a pain somewhere that reminds you that not all is so good.
      I get a substance called Betaferon to inject every second day. It is definitely not a cure, but it stops the disease from progressing so quickly. I see my neurologist basically once a year for a new perscription. There is no point seeing him more as there is not very much he can do for me and I noticed he contacts me if there is anything he wants to let me know.
      I never thought this would be the future, but it could be a lot worst.

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      • I never thought this would be my future, either, and it came a lot earlier than I think it should. I was 52 when my right hip went south. I admit, inside is a little knot of sadness over the whole thing, but it doesn’t do me any good. I imagine you might have a similar knot.

        When my dad was pretty OK, if something stressed him — like a trip to the hospital for tests or something — he had a lot more problems than he did on days when nothing special was going on.

        I think we’re awesome. We do the best we can. ❤

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        • In a strange way I was a little relieved when the doc confirmed I had MS. At last I had a name to my illness. My first reaction, being a little naive, was it isn’t fatal is it? He confirmed that. I think he was glad that I did not have a breakdown, but when you are almost 70, you take these things in your stride, or are supposed to. Now I get a little bit more on top with relapses etc., but I can still cope. I decided to do it the comfortable way if I can afford it. They all seemed to get a little shock when I announced I have a wheelchair. I did it all on my own. I could afford the comfort of an electric wheelchair. Probably a doctor would keep that one until last, but I know what I want. I could have asked him and perhaps a year later I might have got my wheelchair, but I would still have had to battle my way for some money. This way I have it and can always talk about the money. It is the best thing I have done in this connection. I have regained my independence and freedom.

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          • I think you’re great. A lot of people resist the wheelchair and don’t realize it gives them freedom. And having one doesn’t mean you have to use it all the time.

            I have a friend here whose mom (age 73) has MS and lives in an apartment near me. This woman’s daughter is 8 blocks — pretty blocks with new sidewalk — away. But this woman won’t learn to use her motorized wheelchair. If she did she could go to her daughter’s house easily — or mine (though I don’t like her, really. I probably would if she were the type to use her wheelchair). She could take it across the street to the golf course and have a lovely “walk” on the pavement that circles the golf course. She could go to the grocery store (1 block from her) but no. She’d rather not be free, I guess. 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

          • I only know a few cases in England, but the Brits are so into their National Health Service where everything is free, but you only get the cheapest of the cheap My friends mother was in a wheelchair but it had to be pushed. It never entered my friend’s head to get an electric one because you had to pay for it yourself and both my friend an her mother had enough money for it. It is a matter of principal I suppose. I love my wheelchair and am so glad I have it.

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  2. So sorry about the MS! Glad you have family to help. Aging is hard for all of us but, especially difficult….with a medical disorder. Happy that you have your blog and can share your thoughts and feelings with all of us. From what I can see from your right hand, I would say that your hands are beautiful! They tell the story of your life. Sending you healing energy and blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My MS was only dignosed a couple of years ago, but had been living with it for about 30-40 years and not realised it. It is not so bad basically, it is an illness with many faces. I can still wriite on the keyboard and that is the main thing.

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  3. I’m not thinking about anything right now. My hands are beginning to feel the RA and several fingers are now too swollen to close. The less I think about it, the happier I am. There’s not medication I can take because I’ve got too many other problems and am already taking a lot of med. In fact, there is very little I can do about anything, so I don’t think worrying about it is going to do me much good.

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    • It is despairing when nothing more helps or nothing can help. I take a minimum of meds, at the moment just my injections, I have einen stopped taking my pain killing meds for my leg. I realised I can get along without them. Hope you soon are feeling better. Worrying is the worst part

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  4. Pat–I think you do wonderfully well, in spite of your MS and your broken leg. Everyday, your Good Morning starts my morning with a smile. Tabby makes me laugh. There is no guide book for growing old; but I like writing my own story, anywat. Yours is a great chapter every day. We shall all grow old together and visit and smile. And I am OK with that.

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