Daily Prompt: Suddenly

Me 12.03.2017

Suddenly I am old. I am no longer the one where they say “you look good for your age” because my age and me are now united. Looking good for your age is not using a stick for support or wearing the comfortable stretchy trousers and nice flat walking shoes. Looking good should be something shaped to the body, which is no longer something to be shaped to because it no longer looks so good. It happens suddenly when you least expect it to happen.

I only saw my dad once a year as he lived in England and I lived in Switzerland. Every time I saw him he was a little more bent, was walking with a walker for support and he was no longer the dad that would play games with me, take me for walks. He was getting older. He passed away in 2015 at the age of 100 an I remember him once telling me a few years before that he never expected to grow so old and sometimes he did not really want to grow so old and wished it was all over. Of course, I reassured him that we were glad he was still amongst us, but how is it to live to such an age with all the problems it brings? I now know what he meant.

At the age of 71, I am getting there slowly but surely. All my life I have seen the golden oldies struggling along, a bit uncertain in their movements: even feeling sorry for them when seeing that their reactions are no longer what they were. Now it is me that no longer reacts, that struggles and does everything in slow motion. It does not happen suddenly, that is the problem. It happens slowly. Waking up in the morning with walking problems, aches in places you did not even know existed is not sudden, but one morning you realise that leaving the bed needs motions to set you in movement. Not stand up, but sway back and forth from the bed until you manage to stand on your feet. This is not temporary, but forever.

No-one told me this would be you in a few years. No-one warned me that this would be the last stages of life. I was a kid, a teenager, a young woman discovering the pleasures of life. A young married woman, a mother and now I am a grandmother.  I am the last survivor of our direct family line, my dad’s only child. I worked all my life, looked forward to being retired and no longer having to do anything, but only what I wanted to do. Unfortunately you cannot always do what you want to do when you hair is grey, your bones are fragile and all sorts of surprise illnesses arrive that you would never have thought possible.

But I have a computer, so not all is lost. I am a cyber old lady and I have a digi camera. Make the most of what is still here, I will let you know how it is when I celebrate my 80th birthday, from this side or the other.

Me, mum and dad

Me, mum and dad 1947

Daily Prompt: Suddenly

GoodMorning

Crocus 09.03 (2)

Has spring sprung? Looks like it in the middle of our meadow outside. The birds are disappearing, the birdhouse is empty and there are only one or two pecking on the remains of the seed containers hanging on the bushes. Now they can begin to search for this years partner and build nests.

We have one of those grey mornings, so hoping for something better.

Today there is nothing special going on. Mr. Swiss got the provisions yesterday accompanied by two phone calls from the supermarket. It seems they were out of tinned tomatoes and he only found the smallest tins. He was also looking for sage leaves, but only found the powdered sage. It is times like that when I so wish I could go shopping again. He does a good job, really, I am not complaining, but after 50 years of shopping for the family you develop an eye for what you need and want. I realise now that what is instinct for me is a mystery for him.

I am really a bit down at the moment. We both do what we can, but it is just not the same when I cannot yet stand alone and independently. I am just not sure enough yet and my therapist also says it is too early. I just want to take a vacuum cleaner in my hands or a mop and walk around the place. It is not a big job, just the normal surface cleaning, but I have to hold onto stuff and balance the mop on my walker to do it all. I could say forget it. I did for the first week I was out of hospital, but nothing was the same. Everyone says how well I am doing but I do not notice very much.

It looks like we Swiss will be voting again. For some time the powers that be have been talking about buying some new jets The first attempt failed because they decided to buy something Swedish that was still on the drawing board and we all said no. Now we can say yes or no to buying, and later it will be decided what we will buy Swiss to vote (again) on buying new jet fighters. I am still wondering why we need them. I suppose our pilots have to do something to keep them busy.

In the meanwhile, in between, I did my cleaning practice and now I can just lead a life of luxury until I begin to cook.

Enjoy the day, see you around.