Unwanted telephone calls

Telephone wires in Grenfell Avenue

I just had to write this one while it is still fresh in my mind. Mr. Swiss is still laughing at my strange sense of humour.

You know we all get them, those telephone calls from a call center. I mean you really have to have pity on the guys and gals that do this for a living. They probably cannot find anything better, and their wage depends on how much they sell. It is ruthless and probably they are spurred on by a boss that makes hit lists of the best, the not so good and the failures – what a life. They also speak with some sort of foreign accent. The speak german, I understand it, but I can even speak it better than they can.

Anyhow in Switzerland it is the thing to call a random number and tell the victim  who takes the call (me for example), that I must be aware that the sickness insurance is again subject ot a price increase. Of course it is, we know it is, every year we pay more for the same service, because everyone gets ill at some time and costs are exploding in medicine and care, this is nothing new.

So today, Mrs. Angloswiss gets another one of these calls. The last call was a couple of days ago. Mr. Swiss once told me that no-one is really interested in selling me a new insurance, because I am too old. I have now found enjoyment on these calls, I now have the ultimate answer.

So my mobile rings. First of all there is a few seconds of silence. It is then you know it is one of those calls. There is always silence at the beginning. Perhaps they are nervous, or perhaps their headphones have a fault. Then the call begins with a good evening or whatever.

“You realise that the sickness insurances are increasing in price.”

I am alert, but stifle my laugh.

“We have a solution to the price increase.”

It is then I can say my words “you do realise I am 70 years old and at my age I really do not think I need a new insurance, or that you really want to sell me one.”

“In that case have a nice day.” and the conversation ends – I can hear the disappointment in his voice.

That’s the way to do it. Mr. Swiss was listening and found that I have a sort of sadistic enjoyment in talking to these people. Mr. Swiss just hangs the telephone up. I find it does not cost anything to be sociable, and after all now that guy at the call centre has something to tell his colleagues and perhaps not to call my number in future.  Although a shame really, I am really now getting an appetite for these calls and it breaks up the boredom in life. You really just have to look on the funny side of life – all part of the wonderful english black humour.

17 thoughts on “Unwanted telephone calls

  1. Here is an even better solution: When they know your name and ask for you specifically (Hello, is this Mrs. Swiss?) you respond with “No, this is Inspector Swiss. What is your relationship with the deceased?”. When they respond that they don’t even know the deceased, you tell them that they have called into the middle of an active murder scene and that they better not hang up because you have the number on caller Id. Then ask them once more what their relationship is with the victim and where were they at 8:00 AM today (or whatever time makes sense). Tell them you will need to verify their alibi. You can string this along for quite a while with threats that they will be contacted directly so that they can make a statement for the record, etc. Works like a charm.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I could try that one, but I have a suspicion that they do not even know my name, just a number on a list. I also have a feeling that their German knowledge would not reach to that vocabulary. But thanks for the tip, I will definitely try it when I have an opportunity.

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      • I believe most of these people are calling from some office where a bunch of them work, so it won’t bother them if the police have the number. And my husband tells me we get that little pause before an agent starts to speak because a robot does the dialing and only switches the call to an agent when it gets a human “Hello” on the line. If you said nothing I think you’d never hear anything more, either.

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  2. Pingback: Unwanted telephone calls — Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss | gramirezblog

    • Our calls are real humans that talk to you and mainly, almost always, wanting to sell a new sickness insurance. As soon as they know how old I am, they are no longer interested.

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  3. Very good come-back to the phone person. I’ve done the same sort of thing, just for fun. That said, I worked many times as a telemarketer here for different companies. Those were the most fun jobs I ever had, even with the rude comments, and the wisecracks…all entertaining to me. You kind of have to have a thick skin though, to get a laugh from this type work. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the information. I always wondered how it worked, although not all companies are so well organised. Some can be quite ruthless, also with their employees. I believe my youngest son once did something similar to earn some money, when he was still studying, but was not enthusiastic. I must ask him the next time I see him.

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      • Telemarketing is not for everyone. I was lucky to have supervisors/bosses that were great, and we all had a good time in the phone room, with contests for getting a sale. I even had time to do a lot of writing in between calls. 🙂

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