The Blacklight Candelabra – Deliberate Misquotation

It is difficult to obtain the friendship of a cat. It is a philosophical animal… one that does not place its affections thoughtlessly.
Theophile Gautier

Nera posing for a pin-up photo

A cat will be your friend if there is something in it for him. Dangle a piece of ham in front of its nose, give it some liver, perhaps a piece of chicken. He will love you for it, but only during the time he is eating it. Afterwards he washes, sleeps for a few hours and when he awakes he reverts to his autistic existence. There is no longer meat so why should the cat be a friend. When the meat has been eaten it disappears, no longer exists.

Is that philosophical? No that is being selfish, taking what he wants and when he has what he wants, he no longer has a further need for it, so the cat sleeps. You as the donator of the tasty food interval already are non-existent. And then in his non-philosophical way the cat has a wash, licking every part of the body that came into contact with the disappearing food.

Affections are only for a reward. The cat wants something from you. Speaking as a mere human they have commanded my life for the past 13 years and they are not my pets, my friends, my true servants. No, they are here for what they can get out of it. I lay on the bed and five minutes later the cat lays next to me, neading motions with its paws in the soft quilt and dreaming kitten dreams. Am I the lost mother, am I the object of its attention? Only because I am there and relaxing and perhaps presenting no threat, not because the cat has decided that the human is its faithful and trusty companion. I decide to give a tummy tickle whilst the cat is relaxing. No problem, she lays on the side and lets me do everything with accompanying purrs, but do not be mislead. What is a purr, the cat will not let you in on the secret. The purr can turn to a hiss in a split second.

Two hours later the cat is sitting at my feet and I again give a tummy tickle, but the feline does not want a tummy tickle. I take my hand away and see a long scratch as a reaction from the cat that did not want any sign of endearment. That is not philosophy and the meow words of affection, love, friendship do not exist in the meow vocabulary of an autistic minded cat.

The Blacklight Candelabra: Deliberate Misquotation

Daily Prompt: Two Right Feet – or left

What are the things you need to do within 30 minutes of waking up to ensure your day gets off on the right foot? What happened the last time you didn’t do one of these things?

Horseride path castle Waldegg

The things that this enterprise want to know. This is not me on my horse taking a morning gallop after waking. It is someone on the local path to the castle. I found it a good subject and took the photo from the car window whilst we were driving home from shopping, although this is not what everyone wants to know. You all want to know what I do when I awake from my sleep. I have two waking ups per day. The major wake up is the morning, life re-visited, and the minor wake up is at the beginning of the afternoon, which is a recovery sleep from the morning.

The major wake-up takes place in the early morning hours, although it has been known to happen in the middle of the night when nature calls. It is a regular routine generally. As you get older you no longer take chances.

1. You realise you have survived at least you think you have. The sun has not yet risen, but your inner self tells you that it might. I stretch out my hand, left hand, to the iPhone parked on my bedside table and hide it beneath the bed clothes. I do not want to blind everyone with the rays of illuminated numbers. What is the time? 04.30? Oh shock! I might attempt to visit a certain place for a natural biological necessity. There might be the noise of a cat meowing in a distant room which I ignore. That is her problem. I turn and give it another try. If I am successful I fall again into oblivion. If I am unsuccessful I fall into oblivion, but a different oblivion. Who cares? It is not yet my time.

2. I hear movement around me meaning that others are in the world of the living and I decide I should perhaps join them, so I think about it. I make a second check on my iPhone and feel reassured when the time is not yet past 7.30, knowing that I can remain in the horizontal position. My day actually never gets off on the right foot because my feet do not want to be placed on the floor, they resist, they prefer resting between the covers. Eventually I cannot postpone the dreaded moment and sit on the bed ensuring that everything on my body is in place. I might feel a twitch, an ache or a pain but this is OK. I know that I have made it through the night.

3. It is action time and I make my way to the computer, supporting myself on the way with hands along the wall. I connect my two iPads and iPhone to the electricity to give them their daily life. Actually when I think about it those gadgets are so lucky. I wish I could connect myself to some sort of source of energy and return to a sense of being awake and ready to go. I carry my laptop to the kitchen and place it on the table. I get a cheerful “Good Morning” from Mr. Swiss who is busy doing early morning stuff like making a cup of coffee, checking his mails and perhaps replenishing a bowl of water we always have outside in the garden for the felines. They love drinking water early in the morning outside. If it is a cold morning, the ice has to be removed from the water remaining from the day before.

4. Time for breakfast. First of all I check my blood sugar to see if breakfast is an option. If it was not an option I would eat it all the same. Yes I am a dare devil in my golden oldie age. It is then time for the big switch on. Whilst the bytes are pulsing through my computer I spoon out portions of cereal, being careful not to splash the keyboard and yes, I do this all within 30 minutes of arising from my bed. I am a live wire in the morning I know. In the background there might be the sound of a vacuum cleaner biting its merry way through the dust of yesterday.

If, due to unforeseen circumstances, this does not happen (a doctor visit, an early morning appointment somewhere) then I could have problems. Rushing early in the morning leads to a sinking of the blood pressure, leads to discontentment and then I am a miserable cow. I might utter profanities, might be short tempered, and generally hate the world. Even my iPhone feels neglected as it might be switched off to avoid complications. I do not like receiving early morning phone calls. Unfortunately what I classify as early morning, others classify as daytime.

So world, there you have it, the shape of things to come. I never honestly thought it would ever happen to me. In my younger years I would spring out of bed feeling refreshed, except for those party evenings when I only actually got to bed in the early hours of the morning. Yes, life changes, be warned. It is not always a merry roundabout of fun. YesterdayI never thought about what I have to do, today my thoughts have taken over, shall I or shall I not? On this happy note I will leave you all, but do not forget, this could be you one day.

Daily Prompt: Two right Feet, or left