You return home to discover a huge flower bouquet waiting for you, no card attached. Who is it from — and why did they send it to you?
“What’s that?” I had arrived home and there was a bunch of flowers (bouquet?) lying in front of the door.
Mr. Swiss saw the flowers and gave the answer “no idea”, so my suspicions that he had sent flowers to me were soon dispersed. We do not do flowers. There is an eternal problem of finding the right vase to fit. Each time we receive or buy flowers the search begins. You cannot put them in a pickle jar and generally we throw the pickle jars away after the cucumbers have been eaten. Jam jars only come in small sizes and Mr. Swiss prefers honey, which are even smaller.
So it seems that someone left the flowers in front of the door as no-one was home to answer the bell and as generally know the postman really only rings twice. He had no time to wait and scribble a quick note.
Mr. Swiss picked them up and carried them into the apartment.
“I am glad there are no roses.”
“The last time we had roses they drew blood when a thorn prodded my finger.”
I remembered the occasion. There were blood stains all over the table and his t-shirt. Thank goodness it was not one of those WordPress t-shirts. They are rare and hard to come by.
“Do we have a vase for the flowers?” Mr. Swiss asked.
“I will have a look. There might be one in the garden cupboard.”
“But not that blue one with the silver engravings. We haven’t used it for some time and I am sure the silver will be tarnished and you will have to polish it first of all. It will also be far too small.”
I had a look in the garden cupboard and Mr. Swiss was right. He is a very wise man and Swiss, so they like things to be perfect. After removing 6 months of a spider’s life in the shape of cobwebs from the vase, I decided it was tarnished and when looking inside the vase I discovered there were too many insect remains to worthy a bouquet on the table in the living room. My eyes roamed through the vase collection. This did not take so long as we only have five or six. They are in two different sizes, enormous or very small. I actually wanted a middle sized vase, not too big or too small. I had an idea. I returned to the kitchen and found an ideal container.
“You are not using that?” said Mr. Swiss. Note there is a questions mark at the end of this epic statement. An exclamation mark would also have been suitable.
“But I thought…..”
“You cannot put flowers in a milk jug.”
“Why not, it is clean and has a nice design.”
“It has a spout.”
“Ah” and then I saw a beer glass, nice and big, just the right size. Before Mr. Swiss could answer, there was a ring on the door bell, not once, not twice but three times and then I knew it was not the postman. It was a man in a WordPress t-shirt.”
“Sorry to interrupt, but we had a mix-up back at the office. We had thousands of bouquets to deliver today to our faithful daily prompt authors, and Mrs. Angloswiss being a regular victim contributor, we had a special flower arrangement.”
I was so glad. The vase problem was solved and I did not have to convince Mr. Swiss to use a beer glass. The t-shirt man gave me a wreath with wonderful blood red roses depicting the letters www angloswiss com. I was speechless. He then muttered an apology that there were no XXL t-shirts available and this was compensation.
“Who’s that guy in the funny t-shirt?” Mr. Swiss arrived at the door.
“It’s a delegate from WordPress, they sent the flowers but we received the wrong flowers. He came to pick up the flowers that do not fit the vase. It was a mistake and he has now left a wreath instead: much more practical.”
“At least it solves the vase problem.”
We now have a wreath with blood red roses hanging on the wall in the living room and Mr. Swiss did not even prick his finger on the thorns. They had been de-thorned. How nice and considerate of the WordPress people.