You just inherited a dilapidated, crumbling-down grand mansion in the countryside. Assuming money is no issue, what do you do with it?
“This is it, needs a few repairs but we were sure it was your style.”
I looked at the guy with wearing the the WordPress t-shirt again. Did I see a red line of blood dripping onto a grave stone at the entrance? No, it was just my imagination.
“It is very nice of WordPress to give me a mansion, but I would have preferred a t-shirt. Why are there so many gravestones at the entrance?”
“No problem Mrs. Angloswiss, they were left behind by the last owner. He said he liked being near his ancestors.”
“Where is the owner now?”
“He said something about inheriting a castle from his great grand-daddy somewhere in Transylvannia. He could not afford the upkeep of two stately homes, so he asked WordPress to donate this one to a deserving blogger, and we immediately thought of you. I have to fly off go now, here are the keys and have fun. Oh, the previous owner said not bother with the cellar, it would be too cold and damp to do anything with.”
There was a clap of thunder, lightning which illuminated the complete building and the WordPress man was gone. Did I hear a peel of strange laughter in the distance? The WordPress public relations department seem to go a bit too far sometimes.
I noticed there was a sweet black cat that seemed to be guarding the entrance to the house. He looked at me and licked his lips. I was sure he liked me, I have a way with cats. I entered my new home and was greeted with a musty smell coming from the cellar. Someone left the cellar door open. I peered down the stairs, but it was very dark. Suddenly flaming torches attached to the wall ignited. Did I light them, no, I did not. Perhaps there is some sort of remote control thing here: Seems to be quite modern after all. Who knows?
This is ideal, a wine cellar with rows of bottles containing red wine and they are labelled. I took one in my hand and dusted the cobwebs away. “Lady Morticia, Bood group A+, 1900” was written on the label. I had a look at the other bottles, each was marked with a name, a blood group and a date. I decided to try a bottle of Lord Mordred Group RhD+, 1825. Old and rare wine is always good with a slice of rare steak.
As I removed the bottle from the rack, I again heard a maniacal laugh. These things seem to be quite in at the moment with WordPress. I ascended the stairs to the banqueting room. It was quite a nice room, various animal heads hanging on the walls each showing their long white teeth. They were even named: “Canis Lupus vampirus, killed Carpathians 1800 RIP”. How nice, the previous owner must have loved his pets to have kept them in memory in this way.
I decided there would be some dusting and hoovering to do. Not every day you inherit such a unique building. I was so tired; I could have dropped dead in the real sense of the word. I heard a sharp meow and the cat that was guarding the entrance to the building was leading the way so I followed. We arrived in the bedroom. I was surprised; it was as if I was expected. The bed was ready: black satin sheets with a contrasting blood red cover. The cat jumped onto the bed and I followed. The cat lay down next to me purring and began to lick my hand. I was soon asleep, deep in the land of dreams. I even dreamt of Transylvannia, a nice castle in the Carpathians and being welcomed at the door buy a cat resembling my bed companion. The cat changed into a guy wearing a WordPress t-shirt and beckoned with his sharp fingernails to come closer. He wrapped his arms around me and I knew I had found the man of my dreams. Yes, they were strange dreams. Now and again I felt something like pin prick on my neck, but it was probably getting used to satin sheets. I had never slept in satin before.
The next morning I awoke I did not awake. I slept on until the next evening when I awoke feeling tired and hungry. The cat was still lying on the bed, he turned and looked at me with his red eyes (red eyes?) and took me in his arms, showing two sharp teeth. I heard a wolf howl in the distance and we flew off together. I forget to mention, the cat changed into that many of my dreams with the WordPress t-shirt from the night before. Yet again another publicity stunt.
This was great I had everything. I soon moved down to the celler where my new boyfriend had prepared a comfortable coffin, lined with red silk of course. My hunger was stilled. There were enough bottles on the wine rack in the cellar and otherwise, we dined out together of course. Thank you WordPress, what a lovely surprise this turned out to be.