In 300 years, if you were to be named the patron saint of X, what would you like X to be? Places, activities, objects — all are fair game.
Why keep them behind an iron gate, a few of our saintly guys originating in our local town of Solothurn? The place is steeped in canonisations, and today it has become quite fashionable: every year a new Saint or two, although I thought you had to be dead first. If they still have room for a few statues, why not me? Usually you have to be martyred, tied to a stake and burnt, or perhaps thrown to the lions. Of course today we do it in a civilised way.
There I am sitting innocently at my computer, sacrificing my brain on another blog and it happens, I am attacked by a virus. Suddenly letters begin dropping from the top of the screen to the bottom, letters dripping with blood. I try to stop this by pressing the rescue keys, control alt delete, and nothing happens. The letters continue to drop, now blood oozing from the printer. This is a sign, somewhere in the cyber universe a demon has taken over and it is my job to fight this peril, to conquer the evil forces. I call for help from Bill Gates, but there is no answer. He is laying prone at his desk after banking online to see how much his Window invention is bringing in Wall Street and has noticed that without Windows 9 the profits will continued to sink. There is only one answer to this invasion: Saint Blog to the rescue.
The letters continue dripping but I call for Saint Grid, the new god of WordPress. The room is flooded in light, a blade of lightening engulfs me and I feel the power. I am still not sure what power, but that does not matter, you just have to feel it. It is then I hear a voice. “Fear not, we are with you. You are the bringer of the great new look, your daily prompt grid will shine and you will never be forgotten amongst bloggers.”
I looked upwards, I mean newly recruited saints always seem to look upwards, and I saw it. A finger was pointing towards me and then to my computer screen, which was still dripping with blood red letters. Slowly but surely the finger turned my screen into a touch pad. It was then I heard the voice again “wipe the words away, change the page and go forth and do good blogging works”. I must say that Saint Grid guy is really worth the money.
A miracle in my little computer room, I had the power. I touched my screen and it moved, just like an iPad. Had I been given Windows 8, or was this a miracle? As I did not want Windows 8 and am waiting for Windows 9 to appear, I decided it must be a miracle. The blood red letters disappeared and turned to gold. There was a problem because gold was not such a good colour on a white background.
“Who are you?” I asked the finger. Stupid question, who talks to fingers, but I heard a voice.
“Fear not, I am the finger of the WordPress Universe and have come to reward you with your efforts for our Daily Prompt. From now on you will be known as the rescuer and guardian angel of all daily prompts. Writers of the daily post will hold your memory in honour. Saint Blog aka Angloswiss will remain in all blogger brains.”
This was becoming a little strange, I had a strange feeling.
“Can you perhaps change the background colour to black Mr. Saint Grid. Just a minute I thought I had to be dead for all that.”
“No problem” and I had a black background behind the golden letters.
“How do you want it” Saint Grid with the big pointing finger continued. “Short circuit on the computer, strangled by the lead, or the black wall of death although I believe Acer cured that one. Of course we can send a 0 virus, but thanks to the WordPress rescue squad, this has been killed. You know the one where the daily prompt does not work until repaired.”
“But I do not want to die, I have daily prompt blogs in my body to last for a few years. I don’t think I want to become a Saint, just keep the blood red letters away from my computer and I am happy to blog away for the rest of my living days.”
With this the big finger shrunk to normal size and the voice again spoke. “Ok it was worth a try, we wanted to make our daily prompts a little more realistic, to keep the interest. It is called public relations. I suppose I will have to call back in 300 years and then you will be remembered in the blogging world as Saint Blog who defeated the red letter dripping virus.”
“Fine by me, would it be too much to ask to wipe the blood away from the printer, it makes stains on the table.”
“Of course, see you on the flip side.”
The finger disappeared the table was clean, no more blood stains and my computer was working again. Sometimes these Daily Prompts get just a little too realistic for my taste.