Are as comfortable in front of a camera as behind one? Being written about, as well as writing?
Photographers, artists, poets: show us DISCOMFORT.
I am comfortable anywhere really. I told Hitch I would have no problem with doing a film with some birds. I just love animals but then she turned up. You know that Tippi Hedren woman. Now what has she got that I have not. Ok, we could start a discussion, but Hitch decided she was the woman for the part. I moved on in the film world, but the only offer I got was for The Bride of Frankenstein. They found they could save time and money on the makeup. They said I was a natch for the role. Somehow I felt a little peeved, especially when they started laughing, so my movie career came to an abrupt end before it even started. I think a lot of female stars were jealous of my natural talent.
George Clooney was so disappointed. He was hoping I would be his leading lady in the Nespresso advert he was doing, but that was not to be. I was also hoping and wishing that he would be my leading man. I would even have settled for Brad Pitt, but he got married to some film star, who was she??? Ah yes Angelina Jolie, now I ask you what has she got that I havn’t?
I moved on and applied for the job as a model. There again, through jealousy the other models tried all sorts of tricks. I was late for the shooting session because they locked me in the toilet. They spilt coffee on my lovely white Dior evening dress which would have made a perfect picture on the front page of Vogue. Of course I burst into tears and even had a fight with one of the models but she won unfortunately.
There was only one thing left, I decided to go behind the camera, I was sure I would become a second Ansel Adams. I was perfect in black and white photography. Of course Annie Liebovitz did get a little worried when she heard that I had purchased a Nikon DSLR camera. A rival in the photographic world was not something she could use.
Eventually I decided to do my own thing. My felines are not really happy being the subject of about one thousand photos I have taken, from their kitten days until today. They say photos cannot be eaten. I take my camera wherever I go. As the Nikon D7000 is a little big to carry in my handbag or put in my pocket, I have a Canon G15 for normal day to day photos. I am always ready, my finger poised on the button to take my winning Pulitzer prize photo, but it seems that everyone else is there first.
Now and again I go on a photography safari and then I take the big camera carrying it in my specially designed shoulder camera carrying bag. I also have a tripod, but then I would have to use my specially designed rucksack, which can be in the way if you travel by train or bus. When I depart on my expedition Mr. Swiss always hopes that I return safely. I am somewhat accident prone and a devoted photographer like me has to concentrate on the subject of the prize winning photo, and might put a foot in the wrong place, especially in a mountainous area or in the neighbourhood of a river.
I love taking photos of people, but people do not always like me taking their photos, so I have to be careful. My favourite photo subjects are insects, all sorts and types. At the moment I have a Nursery Web Spider series under construction. She was carrying an egg sack for a week and now it has hatched. There must be at least two hundred babies all sitting in the leaf waiting for the OK to go. Every day I check how far it is and take a few photos, but am not yet happy with the result. Shall I do a family photo of mama with her babies, or just the babies. It is difficult to focus both in macro. I also love photos of strange objects, but sometimes they are so strange that no-one is interested in them.
There are times when cooking is not such a simple task. The actually cooking works well, but if you want to make a photographic study, the camera should be ready all the time and care has to be taken that your camera lens is not splashed with food or covered with steam. Oh the problems of a talented photographer.
I love being photographed, but there we have a problem. I am constantly taking photos of everything and everyone and no-one thinks about taking a photo of me. I must have a few words with Mr. Swiss.