What’s the most significant secret you’ve ever kept? Did the truth ever come out?
If the truth came out it would not be a secret so my evasive action exists in the fact that I keep it to myself.
On the other hand if I told you that I was actually in Switzerland working for the British MI6 and keeping notes of all British citizens that have numbered bank accounts in Switzerland, would you believe me?
It might even be that I am working for the Swiss Federal Secret Service, organising an escape route for the British Royal family when the English one day decide that monarchy is a waste of money and time. The Queen, husband, and children must have a place to go afterwards and what could be more worthy of her position to have a nice warm cosy chalet in the Bernese Overland, or perhaps even in Montreux. She would feel so at home amongst all the British tourists. If it was not for the British influence the Swiss alps would still be unconquered, Chillon castle would not have been discovered by the English tourists, or places like Adelboden, Grindelwald and Gstaad. The cemeteries in these villages are full of British mountaineers who failed on their quest of conquering the Swiss Alps, but they did not have the special Swiss climbing boots at the time. Another interesting tourist attraction.
Although I must correct my news, the Swiss government have just mailed me that plans have been changed. All these wonderful places have now been conquered by the Japanese and Chinese and the Arabs are also on their way, finding that life in a Swiss five star gourmet hotel is more comfortable than a tent somewhere in the desert. At the moment the Arab influence is centred in Geneva, but gradually spreading into the areas around the Lake of Geneva. It seems all that is now available for the Queen and her family is a military bunker somewhere in the Alps, but they would have to shift the tanks and the Pilatus porter planes to make room for the family. Sleeping in camp beds would not be their taste probably.
Of course, I also volunteered for the Swiss army. Yes, we have women as well, although only allowed to carry guns, rifles are not allowed, they would be too heavy for a mere woman to carry. I discovered the secret recipe for military cheese fondue, I found out that the survival rations of the Swiss army are chocolate and they are all armed with Swiss Army knives, wear Swatch watches, and their secret method of sending signals is by yodel. I bet you did not know that.
Oh yes, I have many secrets in my international life. At the moment I am busy filling out an application for the CIA. You never know, I might even find out who was behind Kennedy’s demise. You say it was the CIA? Oh well, nobody’s perfect, but I will join all the same. It must be such an interesting life and meeting all those lovely men that look like Ben Afflick, Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Robert de Niro. I would be spy of the year.