Write a letter to your mom. Tell her something you’ve always wanted to say, but haven’t been able to.
It’s been 27 years since you left for other dimensions. Dad is still here and so am I. I wanted to say a lot over the last years, but now no longer. It is not worth it. You were never selfish, always put the others before yourself. Family was the center of the world for you. Your sisters, brother and their families. You dropped everything to run and help them. Life was not easy I know. You worked to support dad’s income, we never really had a lot of money to spare. I often thought that you could have spent a little more time on putting me and dad as number one in your world in front of the rest. Of course you were always there for me, but sometimes I just think you did not quite get the point I was trying to make. Even when I was eighteen years old we had an argument because you insisted that I wore a scarf when going out. It was Winter and cold, but I would have survived. I was going out to a dance. Fresh from the hairdressers with one of those hairstyles that should not be crushed, at the time it was fashion. But no, I should put a scarf on otherwise I would probably get pneumonia. Oh was that an argument, and I left with the stupid silly headscarf, to remove it when I disappeared around the corner.
Of course, I was not an angel. I remember when I wanted a cake. Not just a small cake, but a big cake garnished with icing and everything else. I saw it in a shop and insisted. I think you hit me at every step up the stairs when we got home. I must admit I did throw a tantrum and in those days you just emphasised the point physically. I know you were a kind person, and a mum to cuddle up to when I was frightened, but sometimes your nerves were a bit fragile.
You always cooked like your mum, because mum did everything the best. Dad loved the food, as long as it was meat and veg. Sorry, that I didn’t, but mum you just could not cook. Although I am sure even if you had cooked a super meal, I would have been the only one to appreciate it and dad would have been looking for his meat pie and greens, custard and apple tart.
I was lucky to graduate to a high school. That meant learning for examinations. I would have appreciated a little peace and quiet when I was doing my learning at home, but somewhere there was a radio running, general noise and having a conversation with someone. I felt a little bit ignored. I know you had to start a working life at the age of thirteen and times were hard, but times changed and somehow I had a feeling that you never realised the problems I sometimes had.
Did you ever tell me to clean my teeth before going to bed in the evening. No, you never even thought about it. One of the things I learnt to do on my own, after paying attention to the dental hygene knowledge I collected from others. Result, not so good, but thanks to the modern progress in dental medicine, I still have my own teeth, more or less.
We came from two different worlds. You survived two world wars, had a fear of anything to do with medicine, doctors and hospitals. You sent everyone else for treatment if they were ill, but never went yourself. Something I could never understand, and also dad never understood it. Your forbid me to donate blood at the hospital when they wanted to put me on the emergency list. I had already donated from work, but as soon as it got official, it was forbidden. Yes mum, I never understood that, I was eighteen years old at the time and knew what I was doing.
You always told me you was broadminded, but that was on your own scale of being broadminded. I understood it otherwise. Mum, if I had stayed in England I know that if I had married, it would have been your choice, and probably my marriage would have ended in a divorce.
OK, I think that is enough. Mum I loved you as a mum, but sorry to say I never really thought that mum knew everything better. Bringing up my own kids I just hope I managed to avoid some of the mistakes that I remember from earlier. Times are different and different methods are necessary.
All my love